Okay, enough food talk on this cooking blog…let’s get down to what I really wanted to blog/vent about today: My hubby.
I am blessed (cursed) with a beautiful man. That’s right, Mr. U-Diva is a real hottie…seriously, he used to do high-end modeling down in Miami, so I really mean it. Check out one of his “modeling” pics. (Yeah, he’ll kill me when he’s seen I’ve posted it!)
Now, this incredibly gorgeous man does have some truly serious character flaws that gave me pause on our wedding day… he takes well over 15 minutes to floss each night, he leaves the gas tank in my car frequently on empty, and he secretly runs the sprinklers more than two times a week even during the county-wide water restrictions. (That would make you reconsider “till death do us part” too, right?)
So, back to the cook out where Mr. U-Diva and I are both in attendance, he hanging with the guys and me with the women. I was in Gossip Group #1, which consisted of two other ladies and we were chatting away about… er… well, it
really doesn’t matter what because in nearby Gossip Group #2 was the hostess and her out-of-town sister Kristin Bell. (Okay, so it wasn’t really the actress Kristen Bell…this girl was even thinner and had bigger boobs, so of course I hated her right away.)
I was chatting along in my own group when I hear Ms. Bell suddenly ask the hostess, “Whose the cute guy in the blue shirt?” The hostess’ eyes darted right at me, and of course I pretended not have heard, but Mr. U-Diva was the only guy in blue shirt… Yep, my blood pressure started to rise just the teensiest bit.
I heard the hostess explain who my hubby was and the fact that he was MARRIED, so I was taken aback when Ms. Bell bee-lined to my hubby’s side and interjected herself into his Guy Group. She flashed her too-white, too-tall teeth, fluttered her too green eyes…she even placed a hand on his arm as she giggled at some imaginary joke. Yep, my blood began to boil ever so slightly.
(Surely she wouldn’t want him if she saw the way he absent-mindedly slowed down at green lights, or the fact that he occasionally snored at night!)
The cook out continued, and I chose to take the high road and ignore little Ms. Busy Bell as she waltzed in and out of my hubby’s Guy Group. Now, another irritating quirk to Mr. U-Diva is the fact that he quite frequently is oblivious to the nose on his face, let alone somebody waving something in front of it. So, when Ms. Bell offered to get my hubby another drink–he looked at her for the very first time as if he had yet to even notice her–I smiled to myself. (He really hadn’t noticed her… after 18 years of marriage, I do know my husband well enough to know the difference!) And the very best thing about it was Ms. Bell also realized he had not noticed her. (Love it!)
So as she slunk away to the cooler, I decided it was time to go on the offensive. I met her over the drinks and introduced myself as Mrs. U-Diva. I then complimented her blouse (it was kind of cute) before making my way to the Guy Group where I plopped myself on Mr. U-Diva’s lap. My presence was enough to keep Ms. Bell way on the other side of the patio for the remainder of the cook out.
And as we drove home that evening, I never mentioned Ms. Bell’s hot pursuit of my hubby. He happily droned on and on about the basketball tournaments…and I didn’t even mind the snoring that night.
So, as I snarf down a protein bar and get my sneakers on to go walk a few miles (there are other Kristen Bells out there after all), I remind myself that being married to Mr. U-Diva is a blessing, but one a heavy one to bear at times… as if he even knew it!